megwan01.diaryland.com
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kcuf I cant really figure out if today was a good day or a bad day. I guess it was mostly good with a few little tests to see if I could get over things easily. Like Alana has started calling me ugly on a daily basis, and it's like a pinch. It hurts only for a little bit, and you remember it, but it doesnt hurt anymore, you just say "Oh it wasnt that big of a deal." It wouldnt hurt if she said it and then laughed at the end, or said it in a sarcastic way, but she says it just straightforward and its like wow, thats great. I guess I shouldnt care if girls think Im ugly though, especially alana who sleeps with 10 guys while being with her boyfriend and she says that's not cheating because they arent married, which is bullshit by the way. Anybody want to argue that, go ahead, leave a comment. I will get in a debate with you about that. I went to daniel butler's today to look at my senior portraits and sarah said something to me, that made me overlook everything she was doing to ruin this special moment...again. I sware I wouldnt be surprised if she ruined the first time I had sex with someone by having sex with them after me or something like that. Anyways, I was telling them how I liked this certain picture better for the yearbook because I smiled less and thats how everyone is going to be doing it. You have to understand that I have always been the ugly girl looking way too happy in her yearbook pictures, so this year I kind of wanted to be the girl who is beautiful and smiling just enough to look good, but not enough to be considered ecstatic. So sarah says to me "Since when have you cared what other people think?" First of all, she obviously doesnt know me, but it brought up a good point. Lately I have been slowly moving into not caring what people think. I decided that its a gradual thing, and if you force it to come, you just look fake. The only way you can not look like your rebelling just because everybody else is doing it, is to just go with the flow and not care about not caring or caring. Of course to do that you cant have people breathing down your throat about how you care too much. Fuck them. When you are ready to do something wild and crazy and not think about how other people feel about you doing that, you will be able to do it. Dont force yourself to do something to make you seem like you dont care. Thats something I have seen and observed other people do and it just comes off like they are doing that just because everyone else doesnt care, or something like that. You understand what Im talking about? Everyone knows that if someone doesnt like gay people getting married, they worship pencils. |
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� 20 years old |
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