megwan01.diaryland.com
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Put me in a coma I decided that I am going to start taking a journal to school so whenever I need to write down something I am thinking of or just need a place to draw, that will be it. I have been thinking alot lately about things, well I guess its as much as usual for me, and this is what I have concluded. Actually what I really need is someone to come and take my place for about a year. Ill come back to my body and everything, I just need a year off. Could someone put me in a coma or something? That would be great, sleep for a year and not have to worry about anything for that blink of an eye, or so it feels like it. God I wanna get out of this place and just go to college. Go somewhere else besides this fucking high school. I want to experience what real people are like and not try to live up to everybodys expectations. People telling me left and right "Megan, you should do this and you'll be cool" or "God, this part of you is like so horrendous, you need to change that." Its just saying that I am not acceptable the way I am and I know people will accept me this way whether I have my hair in a pony tail or not. Every morning I have to get up and present myself to myself for inspection. I cannot leave the house unless I either look skinny enough, or pretty enough, and when I finally get myself to my standards, I go to school and people have different standards. So, I have to just live up to my standards and fuck them if they think I am ugly right? The first time in my life I am beginning to not care what people see me as. Not that I am going to change drastically because of that like some people I know, but it will make me happier. It might make me more talkative in college, but for right now I just have to wait and practice talking with the people who accept me completely. I have actually started writing poetry, and the two that I have written so far are pretty good. I cant post them here though because the people who I wrote about will know what they are about and take it offensively. Well at least one of them will. I submitted one to the poetry page on Purple Pjs and hopefully it will make it. Its not the best way I have found to express myself, but its entertaining to say the least. Oh yeah, speaking of entertaining, I actually had a dream where I was about to have sex with a GUY. I was so proud. We were about to, but I was too paranoid my parents were going to walk in since we were on my bed and everything. But we were close. I guess that doesnt count. Even in my dreams I dont get any. This sucks. Back to my plead for somebody to put me in a coma.... |
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� 20 years old |
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